There’s sports betting and then there’s Super Bowl betting.
The boundless betting options can make even the most disciplined gambler wager on something as stupid as who the winning quarterback will thank first.
While the “legal options” in the United States forbid wagering on such silliness, you can still find your way deep down the rabbit hole with odds on the coin toss, a safety, and cross-sport props. And for those of us not bound by (or caring about) legal shackles, take a good long look in the mirror. Super Bowl will show you just how depraved your betting habits can be.
Let’s steer into that skid, shall we.
Below are some of the most off-the-wall betting options available for Super Bowl LIV and the varying levels of gambler you’ve got to be to pull the trigger on these props: 1. 😃 Fun-loving 2. 🤑 Action Junky 3. 😈 Dirty Degen.
Of course, these wacky Super Bowl props are meant to be fun and usually have pretty low limits, so bet responsibly even if you find yourself questioning your worth as a human being. Good luck!
NATIONAL ANTHEM
😃 Over/Under length of National Anthem: 2 minutes, 1 second
🤑 Will Demi Lovato wear a skirt/dress/shorts? Yes -250, No +170
😈 Will a scoring drive take less time than the National Anthem? Yes -250, No +170
I’ll be honest: when Demi Lovato was announced as the singer of the National Anthem for Super Bowl LIV, I immediately went to YouTube and started finding as many clips of her singing the “Star Spangled Banner” as possible. It’s pretty much the only time of the year I use the stopwatch function on my phone.
Last year, Gladys Knight punched in at this exact total of two minutes and one second (121 seconds) but reviewing a number of Lovato’s previous renditions (five to be exact) we found her average was 116 seconds. But this is the Super Bowl, so she may milk the spotlight for a few extra ticks.
HALFTIME SHOW
😃 Over/Under wardrobe changes for Jennifer Lopez: Over 2.5 (-140), Under 2.5 (EVEN)
🤑 Will Gloria Estefan make an appearance during halftime show? Yes +235, No -370
😈 Will Jennifer Lopez show “butt cleavage”? Yes +215, No -325
One of my greatest Super Bowl betting wins was correctly calling Justin Timberlake to cover a Prince song during Super Bowl LII in Minnesota. It was free money when you think about it. That’s kind of how I feel about Gloria Estefan showing up on February 2.
Estefan told reporters she was asked but turned down an invite to be part of the show back in November, but I don’t believe it. She’s Latin Soul royalty, a Miami native, and has co-written hit songs for both Shakira and JLo. On another note: what defines “butt cleavage”?
COMMERCIALS
😃 Over/Under commercials during the Super Bowl? Over 92.5, Under 92.5
🤑 Which commercial will appear first? Pop-Tarts -125, Doritos -115
😈 Which commercial will appear first? Trump -350, Bloomberg +225
I’m a Dallas Cowboys fans and have also sucked at betting the Big Game in recent years, so sometimes the Super Bowl commercials are all I have to look forward to. Let’s cut the shit here, if you’re betting on any of these commercial props, you should probably do some soul searching. But after the Trump ad runs first, of course. The game is being broadcast on FOX after all.
BROADCAST
😃 Will Joe Buck or Troy Aikman say “Underdog”? Yes +140, No -140
🤑 Will they mention Colin Kaepernick? Yes +250, No -400
😈 Will an animal appear on the field? (No birds) Yes +550, No -1,000
Sports betting is becoming more and more accepted by mainstream media, but the NFL is still very touchy about the mention of odds and betting outcomes during their broadcasts. That said, the term underdog is general and could be used without any gambling connotations. I’d be lying if I said I’ve never bet on a broadcast prop before but beware because official grading for these types of markets are done by the same guys taking the bets.
A Kaepernick mention may be something FOX and the NFL are addressing with the broadcast team before hand, but he was the 49ers’ QB the last time the team was playing in the Big Game and I’m sure we’ll see at least one red No. 7 jersey during the show. Also, could we get the return of the Monday Night Football cat in Miami? And NO BIRDS! Please! Enough with the birds! Gawd!
POSTGAME
😃 Color of Gatorade shower? Yellow +250, Clear +300, Red +300, Orange +400, Blue +400
🤑 MVP mentions first? Teammates +150, God +250, Coaches +500, City +500, Family +700
😈 Will the winning team visit the White House? Yes -250, No +170
If you don’t have a bet on the Gatorade shower, you don’t have a pulse. And speaking of lifeless things, Bill Belichick got a blue bath with the Pats’ win over the Rams last year which brings the count to Water x 7, Orange x 5, Yellow x 3, Blue x 2, and 4 bone-dry coaches since 2000. You had both Water and Orange when the Ravens won in 2013, in case you’re actually counting.
Color odds will vary per book, so if you have the option and give a crap, shop around for your flavor of choice. As our NFL analyst Josh Inglis pointed out, Red may be a smart play given both teams primary color is Red. It couldn’t be that simple, could it? As for the White House prop, tying up any amount of money for that long (most teams don’t visit D.C. until the spring) on a prop like this deserves a round of applause. And maybe a smack in the back of the head.
